Let me share a quick story with you on how to raise your self belief because once upon a time, I met a man who changed my life.
Now before you think that this is some kind of fairy tale of boy meets girl and boy rescues girl, it’s not. I can’t remember his name. We met for about 15 minutes and it was 13 years ago.
We were on a retreat in Scotland and we got chatting purely because we’ve both been to Peru and we’re sharing our experiences. But as our conversation kind of came to a close, he asked me something I’ve never been asked before and never been asked since and it’s something that really did change my life because he looked deep into my eyes and very genuinely and authentically asked me, “How much do you believe in yourself?”
I kind of did that sort of stammering, sort of, “What’s the right answer? What are you meant to say in this kind of situations?” and just said, “Well I don’t know. As much as everybody,” and he just looked at me straight in the eye and said, “Believe in yourself. Your life depends on it.”
He actually repeated it a number of times in order for those eight words to really sink in and believe me, they did because even 13 years later, every time I write those words or hear those words, they really resonate within me and I can feel the depth of the wisdom within them even though I’m sure I still don’t understand it to its full degree.
What I do know is that that was a turning point in my life and I believe this could be a turning point in yours if you choose it to be. When I ask you that question, “How much do you believe in yourself?” How do you respond? What’s the response that kicks off internally? How much do you believe in yourself? Are there some caveats there? Well, it depends on what has happened that day or what the weather is like or is there an immediate, ‘oh not at all’. Not at all. Were you stammering around looking for an answer?
How to raise your self belief Exercise:
Either way, however you feel about your self-belief, here are three simple steps for you to be able to start to grow it, understand it and believe in yourself even more.
The first point, number one is notice. Einstein said the first point of change is to notice. In other words you need to become aware of what’s going on in order to be able to do something about it.
So the first thing in order to believe your confidence is you need to see when you are not believing in your confidence and I mean really see it, genuinely really see what’s happening.
So how is it showing up with you? Without any judgment, just notice it. How do you feel when that’s going on? Then ask yourself, “What kind of thoughts must I be indulging in, in order to feel this way?” Then you can move on to step two.
Step two is about then exploring and asking yourself from a very kind, loving place. Well, OK. Now you know how you do feel with the thoughts that you have been happening, having even. How do you want to feel? What kind of thoughts would you need to engage in, in order to be able to feel differently? In other words, in order to be able to believe in yourself.
So for example if you’re really doubting and questioning yourself, the thoughts might be around, “Well, I’m going to get it wrong. I’m going to look like an idiot.” OK. Well how do you want to feel? I want to feel confident and have belief in myself. Well what if those thoughts were, “You know what? I can do this. Let me have a go and see what happens. I can handle it. I’ve always been able to handle it.”
There’s a difference between the two and when you engage in one more than the other, then you’re going to give that strength in order for it to grow.
Then the final thing to think about and look at is about patience. There really is magic in patience and there’s a reason why The Confidence Garden is called the confidence garden and that’s because it’s a place where you grow and when you grow anything, even grass which grows extremely fast, it still needs to be nurtured. It still needs that time for it to develop and it still needs to have that situation to be correct for it to happen.
So you need patience. None of this is going to happen overnight. What you can do is work on it. So first of all, notice what’s happening. Where are you doubting yourself? What’s going on? How does that feel for you? What kind of thoughts are you engaging in?
Second thing is then to start exploring what would be the opposite basically. How do you want to feel? What kind of thoughts would you need to engage in, in order to be able to feel differently?
Thirdly, remember that there’s magic in patience. The more that you recognize that, then the effort that you put in on a daily basis will then be rewarded over the long term.
I look forward to speaking to you again. My name is Jules Wyman. I’m the founder of The Confidence Garden and in the meantime before I do speak to you again, believe in yourself. Your life depends on it.