Hundreds of thousands searches are happening everyday for confidence and I am not just talking about Google.

When you feel that your self confidence is low it is easy to get caught up in a downward spiral which can then be a challenge to get out of. So I have created a short video – less than 5 minutes with 3 simple steps to help you gain confidence in yourself no matter what is going on around you.

So sit back click here How to gain confidence in yourself and have your notebook ready to jot down three simple ways to take your self confidence to the next level!

Wishing you a confidence 2012

It’s not very often that I will read the newspapers and especially not the Daily Mail but I was sent the link to this article and agree with much of what is being said.

It took me years to realise that by comparing myself to someone else, anyone else I was doing myself a disservice and damaging my self confidence. This easy an easy habit to change as it tends to be embedded from an early age and can be perpetuated by parents – ‘my child has done ‘x”, in school ‘Tim can manage 10 out of 10 so can you.’ by friends, family, members, it is constantly in our media too. So it’s not an easy one to walk away from.

BUT…to help you make that change step away from comparing you first have to see it. Hear just how often you do compare yourself to someone else, it will be more than you first expected.

Just realise that you are doing it and remind yourself – gently, that this is one of the processes that it damaging your self confidence and self esteem.

and then gain confidence fuel!

Have you ever had one of those days when life looks rosy? You feel that you can achieve all that you want to and all you can hear is yourself saying ‘yes I can do that or at least I will give it a go!’ And yet the very next day (or even the next moment) you feel the opposite! Life’s hard, you doubt yourself and your abilities and self confidence has left the building!

I know this feeling only too well myself and spent much of my life experiencing this frustrating fluctuation in self belief and confidence.

Here are my top three tips for you to begin to understand how you can boost your confidence in any moment. Before I share them with you, I need to give a brief understanding that no-one gives or takes confidence away from you. I appreciate that it can feel like that, but it is not what the person has said that ‘makes you feel confident’ it is how you are reacting inside to those words. The reason I say this is that I want you to realise that you are the one with your finger on the ‘boost control’ not someone else. If you are waiting for someone else to ‘give you confidence’ then there will also be a part of you that is waiting for someone to ‘take it away’! It is your reaction to the words or actions that someone says/does that creates the feeling of confidence and so when feeling not so confidence you can use these tips, put your finger on the boost button and look for ways to feel confident no matter what someone else has said or done (or not as the case may be).

Forward Focus

If you have ever thrown a ball then you will have learnt or been taught that for the ball to reach its destination you have to point your arm in the direction you want the ball to go. Your mind and your feelings are the same.

If you want to feel more confident then you have to focus your mind in that direction and look for it in yourself. If you are feeling that you lack confidence, what are you focused on? I imagine it will be on what you haven’t done well, what you haven’t got, not achieved, didn’t get to do etc. Notice what happens if you choose to change your focus.

Take 15 minutes or so and make a list of all that you have achieved in life. Starting from when you were born, write at least 5 things for each decade that you have been alive. E.g. I learnt to walk, I can talk, feed myself, I can swim, I can ride a bike, I passed test, I got a part time job… the list goes on

The more you focus on what you have achieved, what you can do and what you have the more your mind will look for on a daily basis so that when you have those moments of not feeling so great, your list is there as a reminder to re focus and move forward!

Upwards and Onwards

I am sure you will have noticed those times when you don’t feel great about yourself that it is easy to pull the duvet over or switch on the TV and basically not do very much. Ask yourself now, just how is that working for you? I suspect it feeds that feeling of not feeling great.

If you want to feel great get up and move! Dance, walk, swim, run, even doing the house work with your favourite music on can help shake your mood. The more you move your body the more you can help boost yourself. It isn’t about getting up and going for a ten mile jog. Just get up and walk around the block with a bit of pace helps shift your mood and boost how you feel.

Being kind

Many of us that want to boost our confidence spend a great deal of time putting ourselves down. I ask again, how does this help to you feel great about yourself?

Any adult that has watched a child learn to walk knows that they have to fall over at times to learn about balance, to gain stability and gain the courage to take the next steps. If you are the adult watching them do this you will I suspect be encouraging them, supporting them and helping them back up each time they fall. What would you life look like and how would your confidence feel if you tool the same attitude to yourself? Each time you ‘fell’ you encouraged yourself to get up and have another go?

‘Be kind to yourself’. It’s an easy thing to say not so easy to do I know and like the other tips take patience and practice and yet when you do, then you really do get to boost your own confidence, which is what you want to do after all, is it not?

Remember, believe in yourself your life depends on it!

“None can stop you from growing and learning if you seriously intend to. And none could help you progress if you don’t want to.” If you want to make changes in your life to be able to feel differently then you are the one that has to commit to that. As great at the information and teacher may be, if you are not committed to yourself and your progress, then it will not happen.  You are the one that has to be open to learning what you need to.  You are the one that has to be open to hearing what will help you.  It’s up to you to till the soil, plants the seeds, nuture them and of course where needs to spot the weeds and when you are ready pull them out!                                                                                                      

Head over to her website http://www.annsheybani.com/ and sigh up to receive her interviews once a month. The first one started this week and features yours truly!

Confidence Coach Jules Wyman wasn’t always confident.  In fact, the woman recently dubbed as Britain’s Next Top Coach once hid her insecurities behind booze, drugs, and junk food.  “I reached out for all of them to do the same thing, which was to cover up the pain.”

At the lowest point in her life, addicted to alcohol, entrenched in an abusive relationship, unclear as to which direction she wanted her life to go she realized that something had to give.  “I didn’t really have one thunderbolt moment.  I refer to it as having lots of little storms. Sometimes I didn’t realize I’d had the storm until I’d gone through them and come out the other side.”

Learn how she turned her life around.  Through her fabulous use of story, Jules explains:

Why curiosity is the antidote to blame and self-pity

• How to chunk things down and take one step at a time
• Why there are no mistakes
• How to discover hidden passions
• The secret to conquering fear
• The unfortunate flip side to achieving
• What a bad Meg Ryan film can teach you

We also talked about The Celestine Prophecy and the film Educating Rita and what they taught her about herself. ” To me it was like little life lines that were being thrown to me that kept me going in a certain direction, which was away from where I could have gone.”

Jules Wyman is the founder of Positive Belief, an inspirational speaker and coach, and director of The Confidence Garden.  She says, “If the grass looks greener over there, maybe it’s because they take better care.”  She is also a wife, stepmother, and Zumba fanatic.

Enjoy x

]]> http://theconfidencegarden.com/grow-self-confidence/120/feed/ 7 http://theconfidencegarden.com/grow-self-confidence/confident-christmas/ http://theconfidencegarden.com/grow-self-confidence/confident-christmas/#comments Sat, 26 Nov 2011 12:13:13 +0000 Jules http://theconfidencegarden.com/?p=111 Continue reading →]]> “The light of starry dreams can only be seen once we escape the blinding cities of disbelief. “

Shawn Purvis

At the end of talk recently a lovely gentleman can up to me, ‘I agree, it’s so important to get people to have confidence in themselves, it’s the fuel to drive you forward in life.’ He continued ‘I don’t have problems with my self confidence. That’s sorted, but I do have big problem with self doubt.’ He looked at me and to be honest I didn’t quite know what to say. Self belief and self confidence are, I believe, intrinsically linked and impact each other. ‘So what would happen if you chose to believe in yourself and all the decisions you make from this day forward?’ I asked. ‘How would life be for you?’

‘Well I certainly would stop worrying.’

‘and what else would you gain?’

He went on to list all ways that things that he would see the world in different light and feel much happier. ‘so why not choose to trust yourself and believe in those choices and whenever you hear self doubt you let it go?’ I appreciate it is much easier said than done but if you are going to feel happier then why not give it a go?

 3 Tips for a Confidence Christmas.

The search for the ‘perfect Christmas’ is one that many head out on come Oct/Nov. They begin looking for ideas and recipes, to create that idyllic Christmas where everyone is smiling, you get the gifts you want. I am not sure that we can guarantee that for you here at the Confidence Garden, but what we would like to offer you though are three simple ingredients that when added into the festive mix can give you a different view on Christmas (and indeed any time of year)

Tip no. 1  

In the 100+ years since it was written ‘A Christmas Carol’ by Charles Dickens has be read, watched and listened to in a variety of ways by thousands. The message is still pertinent today and links nicely in with my favourite Dickens quote and my first tip.

“Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes of which all men have some.”

So often our focus in life can be on what we haven’t got, so much so that we miss, forget or even take for granted the things that we do have. The frenzied buying for Christmas can also give us a focus of what we don’t have and feed the need for more, yet can you remember what you received for Christmas last year?

My first tip for a confident Christmas is not just about counting your blessings it is also about having an attitude of gratitude. For many of my friends, family, colleagues, clients and myself this has been one of the most challenging years for some it has been financially, others relationships, health, career, and so much more. Yet when all of us have taken the time each day, as Dickens suggests to ‘reflect on your present blessings’ and really look for them you can find them.

What blessings do you have? You might have to dig through the snow to find them, it will be worth your dig!

Tip no. 2 

Spending time with family and friends can highlight aspects of a person that we may not really like and want to change and if only they would change it would make our lives so much better! We can spend the run up to Christmas thinking about how they are and hoping that they have changed this year, that their behaviour will be different because it will make things for us so much easier. We spend the rest of the time of the holidays willing them to be different so that we can relax/have fun/be ourselves and yet they seem to be doing just that!

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

  Another one that is not easy to do and yet is a vital ingredient in the mix to have the kind of festive time you are looking for, ‘accept the things I cannot change’ this does not mean agreeing to ‘poor behaviour’ nor condoning it, however accepting that this is who the person is and how they are will enable you to focus on your and your blessings, which you have already discovered have you not.

Tip no. 3 

And finally remember, the moment the pencil was created erasers were created too. Things do not always go to plan, drinks are split, food is burnt and the present may not have been given (or indeed received) in the way you had intended. Nothing in the world is perfect, no tree, plant or creature, so why do we put that pressure on ourselves. There is nothing wrong in planning how you would like things to go and then taking from tip no. 2 just accept how they are if you can’t do anything about them or change it if you can.

It’s funny whilst looking for a quote to illustrate this point I discovered an article called ‘Gardens weren’t meant to be perfect’ I think it says it all.

When I was about 13 years old my Nan came to stay for the weekend. She still enjoyed her tea served in a cup and saucer ‘it didn’t taste the same in a mug’

I was charged with carefully carrying the cup and saucer through to her as she sat perched on the dining room chair watching the wrestling, her favourite.

I received a big toothless grin as she took her cup. I loved my Nan; she was funny, sang songs and loved playing games, my kinda gal. She was also a very strong headed lady who spoke her mind and as I walked away from the tea delivery, instead of receiving a thanks her immortal words ‘Haven’t you got big thighs?!’ rang out across the room.

I was crushed.

Any self confidence I did have for my body I allowed to be crushed in that moment with those words. And for over 20 years those words echoed in my ears. They prevented me from happily swimming with the children, sunbathing freely on holidays and made shopping for clothes an utter nightmare. Five simple small words stopped me from enjoying myself and seeing me as I really am. (Of course I’m only talking about me here no-one else has ever felt or experienced anything like this…have they??)

A while back though I decided enough was enough, I had to erase these words for good. I wanted to strut my stuff.

My first step was ACCEPTANCE. Until this point I had been beating myself up, expecting to have Kylie Minogue’s small bum and Julia Robert’s long legs. As beautiful as both are that is just not my body shape. Once I had fully accepted this…my body….me, I began to like what I do have rather than mourn what I didn’t.

This enabled me to take step two. I had now accepted that I had my own shape, I just needed to find out what suited me. Fashion isn’t about fitting the cat walk waif styles; it’s about the discovery of what flatters your body. And every-body is different, take the time to find out what really suits you and you will feel so much better.

And finally I changed my views on the body beautiful. Having a slimmer body is more about my health and vitality now than being a size 0. I want to live for a long time and to do that I have to eat well and look after myself. I now have more energy and body confidence than ever and you can too!!!

Most of the safety announcements on flights these days are animated and I have to admit that I tend to switch off. Occasionally though you do get the personal touch of the stewards delivering the message with props and actions. They enthusiastically inform you of the crash position and location of your life jacket, even though they have done it a thousand times they still look fresh and professional so I always feel compelled to give them my full attention.

It was in one of these moments of ‘full attention’ that I had a light bulb flash. I heard a comment, an instruction that I have heard many times before but this time it rang loud and clear.

‘Make sure that you put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you help anyone else’

The words echoed in my ears and I didn’t bother to look for my nearest exit. I repeated it to myself ‘Make sure that you put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you help anyone else’

Of course!! This is where I was getting it wrong, where we tend to make it harder for ourselves in work & life.

We create a big long list of who needs to be looked after; the boss (as long as that’s not us), the partners, the staff, colleagues, customers. Then there’s the family, friends, siblings, neighbours, dog, cat, goldfish, and each of their requirements. Most people I have met have this great long list and somewhere towards the bottom, if on there at all, is ‘YOU’ and when asked what you need ‘I’m not important’ or words to that effect are the common response.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT! And need to move up your list, dare I say it but right to the top!

If you continue rushing around checking everyone else’s oxygen mask is fixed right, at some point, probably sooner than you think, you will run out of air, lose energy and ….well I’ll let you fill in the gap!

You need to make time for yourself! NOW!

Obviously a week in the Maldives being waited on hand and foot would be great and who knows … Until that moment  look at a simple and effective way that you can make time for you daily and keep that mask securely fixed.

Take Five

 At some point during the day take five minutes out for yourself and STOP. Do nothing, just sit and breathe. You’ll be amazed at how much of a challenge this is at first. The mind will tell you that ‘there is so much to be done, you can’t just sit there’ Oh yes you can. Did you know that just taking time to deep breathe on a daily basis can reduce stress and tension and can even boost the immune system. So put you first for five minutes, really secure your mask. In the long term you are securing your health and the sanity of those around you!

I was invited to a schools prize giving event last week to both speak and give out the awards to the pupils.

As I sat there on the stage watching pupils as young as 4 years old performing I marvelled at their inner belief to stand and deliver in front of peers and parents.

I remembered how this was something I felt able to do at that age, but as I got older (from 15 onwards) those nagging negative thoughts about myself grew and took over, just like weeds in a neglected garden.

It took me years to realise how many women (and men too, they just tend to talk about it less) felt the same and had allowed their lack of confidence, self belief and esteem to guide what they did and didn’t do in life.

Having turned things around for myself now and feeling comfortable being sat in front of 500 people for two hours, and even having to sing their school song -(it’s ok not on my own) I realise just how far I have come and how much of an impact the tools, techniques and information I have learnt, and am still discovering, really have made.

That is what inspires me {!name} each and every day, and has been my greatest inspiration in creating the free video series, ‘Foundations for Confidence.’ 

No matter how many seeds you plant the weeds will come and take over our garden if you do not put effort in and take care of it.

In this free video series I will share with you my personal journey and how you can start today by using the information and tools to start to make a difference for yourself and your future today.

So go to www.foundationsforconfidence.com  and you too can start building the foundations of your confidence today!

Here are some of the comments left after video one…

“Inspirational………”

“A well-timed reminder and a great start to my day. Look forward to viewing the others!”

“something i really needed to see as i have really hit rock bottom this year and just want to curl up in a ball and shut it out.”

“Thank you, and thank you for sharing the videos, I think they will help a lot of people.”

“ great way to keep connected to what really matters in life, thank you.”

and many more

To make sure you get your free videos CLICK HERE  there are free and again something that you can share with others!

Remember believe in yourself, your life depends on it!